I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i came on her dog
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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