Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
