It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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