We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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