Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
