I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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