Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
