Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
