yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
