she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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