Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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