So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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