I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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