Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just had sex on a roof
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
