dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just invented taco cereal.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
