We're like a lot better than the average bears
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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