i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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