She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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