yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
