I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
