Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
