Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
