i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
