the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
