cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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