East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
