im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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