True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
