I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
