yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
