Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
