i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
