im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
