Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
