I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
