Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
