wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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