I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
