HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
