Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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