I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
