I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
