so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
only you would photoshop your dick
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
