Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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