so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
okay pat passed out under dana's car
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
