and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Your cock deserves a montage
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
