Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
