3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
