She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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