You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
