i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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