my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
